Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
