I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
