im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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