the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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