Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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