Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
