Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
