Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
