So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize