A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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