He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
