Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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