thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
