Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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