u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
