I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
