Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
