that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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