I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
