Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize