Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
