I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
