You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
