I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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