he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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