I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
