my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
