You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Boobs are out for the taking
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
