too bad you live with your parents still
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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