Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
