i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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