Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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