I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
