oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
