How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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