You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
