There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
