I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
