I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
