Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
