I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
