1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
