direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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