i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
