My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
