The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
