How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
her vagine was all disorganized.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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