no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
