So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
