Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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