wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
