She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
