It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We had to coat check the pizza.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
