Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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