I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
