once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
