She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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