Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
