I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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