He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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