Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
