Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
