I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
