grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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