My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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